Cat Owners: Generally Awful People

Everyone seems to loves cats. They’re cute, cuddly, and shit in a box that you keep in your house. Any site with a cat theme, no mater how inane and idiotic, will have throngs of drooling fans visiting from around the internet. Cats are funny and adorable. I have nothing against cats. But you know who I can’t stand? People who love cats. And by that, I don’t mean the people who find cat videos online generally amusing. I mean people who own cats.

Why?

For starters, 95% of cat owners are the most disgusting, unhygienic people on the planet. They often wait until the litter box is overflowing before they actually change it. If you’re going to claim to love something, and be a friend to animals, why don’t you start by actually taking care of the ones you own?

Secondly, cats are not your children, and they don’t understand English. When you talk to your pets and tell them you are their mommy or daddy, it might be time to bust out the straight-jacket on and thorazine.

I could go on all day, but I’m pressed for time. I think it’s high time we started a program to neuter and spay cat lovers.

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